She Began to Twirl Once More ~ Chapter Thirteen

She Began to Twirl Once More

I remember twirling in my fancy dress as a little girl. Time seemed to pause just for me as I spun around and around on my tip-toes. My ruffled dress and I whirled about the room so fast that everything around me simply faded away. That dress transported me to my own little world where I could be a ballerina, a fairy princess, or Cinderella at the Ball. I wanted to dance in my special little place forever…

But what happened to the imaginative little girl that I used to be? Her heart had been bursting with endless hopes. The dreams that she held so dearly knew nothing of limits. Her little world was full of light – a beautifully magical place where good always prevailed over evil, no real harm could befall her, and where Prince Charming was coming to rescue her, dressed in his shining armor.

Dark shadows crept toward her, and she gradually stopped twirling. As she was confronted by these ghosts, she let her dreamland slip away. Over time she sadly gave into the idea that she would never be a fairy princess. When she stood still, darkness crept in to surround her.

Other girls laughed at her. She buried her desire to once more twirl around and around. She tried to fit in…and failed miserably. “You’ll never be good enough,” the Shadow of Inferiority hissed.

I’m not hungry.” The lies that she told herself over and over again were so ardent that she actually started to believe them. The lower the number fell on the scale, the closer she thought that she would be to perfection. She thought that she was almost there, but perfection never came. “Just a few more pounds. Just a few more inches,” lied the voice of Self-hate.

She felt in her heart that something was not perfectly right, but he seemed like such a nice guy. He sought her out. No one had ever paid her this much attention. He said that he couldn’t imagine life without her. Surely, this had to be her long-awaited Prince. The Shadow of Deception felt too good to be true.

“It’s your fault. You made him angry. You’ll never be good enough for him,” the Shadow of Abuse deflected the blame at her.

Crashing through her little home, The Storm of Infidelity left a trail of devastation in its wake. Once more she allowed her heart to listen to the vicious lies in her head. If only she had been prettier. Maybe then he wouldn’t have betrayed her trust. Maybe then she would have been good enough. If only…

As the shadows of Divorce and Loneliness threatened to surround her, she realized that she no longer had to be frightened by the ghosts of the past.  Wondering why she had ever stopped dancing through life, she worked to slowly unravel the darkness that had been her constant companion all of these years. She found courage that had sparked deep within her. She could now face the darkest of shadows without allowing them to overtake her. She gave herself the freedom to cautiously begin to twirl once more.

Days turned into weeks, weeks eased into months, and the months flowed into years. She gathered a strength and assuredness that can only come from staring down the darkness. With a new radiance, a smile graced her face for the first time in years. A deep and meaningful happiness welled up in her soul. She learned more about her true self as she grew as a woman, and she found that her real life journey far exceeded anything in a fairytale.

twirl

When the wounds of the past had started to heal, someone new entered her life. More than just a brave prince, he was a kind and selfless spirit. As their friendship developed, and then grew into something deeper, she found that she did not have to stop twirling for him, or anyone, ever again. He, too, was on a path of healing, and their separate lives began to mesh into one beautiful dance. She now had a partner, a friend, a Beloved – and the ability to keep twirling as life moves forward. Shadows will come and go over time, but she now felt confident that they no longer had the power to hold her back from pirouetting joyfully through life.

The little girl grew up, and as she fought, lost, blossomed, and triumphed, she began to twirl once more – and she vowed to never stop.

I vowed to never stop…

“Those who look to Him are radiant, 

and their faces shall never be ashamed. ~ Psalm 34:5

~ Our Story ~

There’s No Place Like Home ~ Chapter One

Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two

The Nightmare ~ Chapter Three

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan ~ Chapter Four

With this Ring…Saying Goodbye ~ Chapter Five

A Letter to a Graduate ~ Chapter Six

Over the Miles and Years ~ Chapter Seven

Someone Like Him ~ Chapter Eight

In the Quiet ~ Chapter Nine

A Different Kind of Anniversary ~ Chapter Ten

Healing a Little More Each Day ~ Chapter Eleven

My New Friend ~ Chapter Twelve

 

*Originally published on my friend Brenda’s blog – Recovered Identity.

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*hugs*

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Written by ginger


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7 Comments
  • Diane L. says:

    What a beautiful post. I think this is your best one ever!
    I could relate to so much of what you shared, especially the lies and “if only’s”. If only I was a better cook. If only I had a nicer body. If only I kept the house perfect. Then perhaps he wouldn’t hurt me or see other women.
    Thankfully, I have also found healing and am now dancing through life with a man who loves and respects me. He knows that even though I’m not perfect, I’m still precious and beautiful in his eyes.
    If any other readers out there are still believing those lies, please know that you are valuable and worthy of being treated like the lovely woman God created you to be. Please reach out and seek help, so you too can soon be dancing once again.

  • Claudia says:

    Beautiful. I felt as though you were telling my story. Almost. I am still healing and am not yet ready for my Prince Charming. Thank you for giving me hope.

  • Tamra says:

    Ditto to Claudia. Beautiful…

  • Amy says:

    You are gifted at putting your feelings-and those of so many of us who have experienced the pain of infidelity- into words. It has been 10 years since my divorce and I almost didn’t want to follow the link because I have closed those chapters and didn’t wish to relive pain but I found myself crying both because of the pain but also tears of joy and recognition of the healing that has come. Our stories are so similar-two boys for me, a new loving partner, past shyness/low self esteem, verbal abuse/controlling ex partner. I only wish I could have read this during my divorce. You will be a blessing and encouragement to so many.

  • Liz says:

    Love your story and gives me hope. I haven’t had that in forever. Thank you

    • ginger says:

      Thank you so much for our sweet encouragement, Liz! More than anything I want to let women know that they aren’t alone – and there really is hope! *Hugs*

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I’m Ginger ~

I'm a wife to my Beloved, mom of three boys, bookworm, survivor of a broken heart, and Kansas Girl. It is my desire to encourage you. No matter what storm you're going through right now, you are not alone. I promise.

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My New Friend ~ Chapter Twelve

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