In Her Shoes is a series written by readers to give us a glimpse into their lives – to see what it is like to walk in their shoes. Today I am excited to introduce you to my new blogging buddy Sadie from the lovely CottageandHen.com. She is a happy military wife, oily mama, photographer, and dreamer. You can also find her on Facebook. Let’s join our friend as she shares with us what it is like to walk in her shoes. ~ Love, G
My battle with depression began when I hit puberty around the age of 12. I never told anyone my struggle, I suffered in silence. I grew up in a loving home, but still never felt like I belonged. Loneliness surrounded me in the midst of many friends. Years later when I told my best friend my years of struggling with depression, she had had no clue that I suffered so! I was pretty good at putting on a happy, smiling face. Thoughts of ending it all flooded my brain, but I was too afraid I would only injure myself so I [thankfully] never even tried.
Some of the happiest days of my life were when I was about 20. I had a great group of friends who hung out regularly, were involved in church, and attended youth camps. I got to know this great guy, he became my best friend, and soon we were married as husband and wife! Happily Ever After, right?
It didn’t take long before this young bride was a young mother and on our first wedding anniversary we had a sweet 1 month old little boy. It was a trying time, as I suffered from extreme depression. My poor new husband had a newborn and a very emotional and unstable wife. With the help and prayers of family, I was able to overcome it. Eleven months later and we were expecting child number two. After she was born, I started feeling overwhelmingly depressed again and I didn’t want to put myself (and our growing family) through that agony again. I met with our doctor and was prescribed some anti depressants, not without unfortunate side-effects. I was happy again and it felt simply wonderful! It was quite a while before I told others that I was on the meds because I knew what reaction I would get. The relief from depression was worth it in my mind, and I was on them for about 18 months before the lack of finances and other circumstances forced me off the antidepressants when we were expecting baby #3.
I am not sure why, but after the arrival of our third child I did not suffer from depression like I had after the previous two births. I do not know if enough of the meds were still in my system, or what the reason was. This mama was happy, finally.
Over the next 4 years we moved 3 times, both of my grandmas died, hubby enlisted in the military, and we moved 1600 miles away from family. Two deployments, (12 months & 9 months), in 3 years time and many, many trainings forced me to be strong even when I didn’t want to be. Somehow I managed without any major bouts of depression!
Then about six months after hubby returned from his tour, I started feeling sad, lonely, and was suffering from the worst bout of depression yet. Maybe I was simply wore out. Military life can be quite exhausting emotionally. I would lay in bed and just cry for no reason. Just tears of exhaustion, sadness, and weariness. I was lonely, broken, and ‘done’. I had hit rock bottom emotionally. Because I had been on meds before, and personally knew 2 lovelies who went to glory from their side-effects, I knew that route was not for me. But I honestly didn’t know where else to turn!
Why did not God hear my cry for help? Why must I suffer this way? Why must my family suffer with me?
Then my hippie girlfriend, (and fellow military spouse), posted a few things on her Facebook about these essential oils. I asked her a few questions and figured, why not? What would trying some smelly oils hurt? I had nothing to lose. In my hour of desperation I tried some “hippie oils” and was simply amazed that they actually WORKED?! How was that possible? But I didn’t care, they worked and I was once again happy! Meds were not needed and I was able to find a natural alternative to help me overcome my ailments!
God did hear my cry!
My hubby noticed a huge difference in my attitude and outlook. I was smiling and laughing again! He told me he thought that he was the cause for my sadness, even though I had told him over and over that it was not him, that I did not know why I was suffering from such debilitating depression.
Depression is very real. Even Christians suffer from it, I know – I grew up in church and yet still battled chronic depression for over 20 years. My heart is in helping others overcome depression and anxiety; no one should suffer alone!
I am an “oily mama”. 😉
To read more encouraging stories, or if you are interested in sharing your own story, please go to the In Her Shoes tab near the top of the page. I love learning about the people in this series. Connecting with others seems to make the world feel not quite as big and scary. We’re all in this together. I can’t wait to hear from you, to read your stories, and learn more of what it is like to walk in your shoes.
Happy Monday! How was your weekend? Did you find a way to take a little time for yourself? I would...