“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray…”
“We’re going to see if we can keep you out of the hospital, Ginger.”
“I’m going to hook you up to an I.V. now, okay?”
Voices swirled around me as I closed my eyes to try and stop the agonizing motion.
Why won’t the room stop spinning? So dizzy. So sick.
The physician that I worked for practiced just down the hall from my OB doctor. They had decided that I would stay after work and have I.V. fluids to help fight off the dehydration that unrelenting morning sickness had brought to my life. I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water. I had dropped to almost 90 pounds, and I was carrying my first baby.
Please be okay. Baby, I love you so much. Do you hear me? You are loved…
“Miss! Are you okay, Miss?” Someone was shouting.
I opened my eyes to see that I was hanging by my seatbelt. A man was struggling to pry a door open.
“Grab my hand, Miss! Is there anyone else in the car with you?”
No, just me. But I’m 23 weeks pregnant. I’m going to have a baby.
“Oh no! The girl is pregnant! Call 911!”
My hand went to my belly, cradling the tiny bump that had just a few minutes before been wiggling and kicking happily as I sang to him. Now, there was only stillness…
Men pulled me out of the crumbled vehicle.
I had been hit by a semi-truck.
Someone wrapped a blanket around me as they set me on the ground.
Sirens. Ambulance. Gurney.
Emergency Room. Contractions.
“Ma’am, if we have to take this baby, the good news is that you are far enough along in the pregnancy that he will have a 1% chance of survival.”
Please, God. Please let my little boy be okay. Baby, can you hear me? I love you…
“Your baby’s heart rate is disappearing with each contraction. We need to get him out now. Push, Ginger! Push!”
The labor contractions had come hard and fast. My little boy had held on all of those months, and it was now four days past our due date. We had only been in the hospital for a little over an hour, and it was time. But he was facing the wrong direction, and he was stuck. My baby was in danger once more.
I pushed while the doctors pulled one more time. It was finally over. His cry was the most beautiful sound that I had ever heard.
They laid my precious bundle next to my heart. I was finally a mommy.
My Camden! I have waited so long to meet you, Little One. I love you so much…
The music swelled as he excitedly bounced up and down. His little brothers had already taken their turns, and our new little family was waiting for us just beyond the door. My little man, my Camden, was going to walk me down the aisle and give me away to my Beloved.
He looked up at me as I swept his black hair to the side once more.
Camden, I love you.
“I love you, too, Mommy! Are you ready?” He slipped his little hand into mine.
I’m ready, Honey.
A tidal wave of emotion is flowing through me as I think about you turning 10 years old. You are growing into a kind and generous young man. I love that you are becoming such a gentleman, always looking for ways to help others. You have the special ability to make people smile, and you are a wonderful friend to those around you. You may be growing up, but you will always be my baby. I am proud of the boy that you are, and of the man that you are becoming. I am truly the luckiest mommy in the whole wide world, and I am so thankful that you were given to me.
No matter where your life’s journey takes you, please remember something for me…
You are ENOUGH. And you are LOVED. Always and forever.
“…You’ll never know, Dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”
Happy 10th Birthday!
*Photos 3 and 5 are courtesy of NZ Portraits by Joanne. Photo 4 is courtesy of our wonderful friend Cindy.
* Linking up to Holley Gerth’s Coffee for Your Heart.
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