You are enough ~ And you are loved

You are enough ~ And you are loved

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are gray…” 

 

Camden11

“We’re going to see if we can keep you out of the hospital, Ginger.”

“I’m going to hook you up to an I.V. now, okay?”

Voices swirled around me as I closed my eyes to try and stop the agonizing motion.

Why won’t the room stop spinning? So dizzy. So sick. 

The physician that I worked for practiced just down the hall from my OB doctor. They had decided that I would stay after work and have I.V. fluids to help fight off the dehydration that unrelenting morning sickness had brought to my life. I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water. I had dropped to almost 90 pounds, and I was carrying my first baby.

Please be okay. Baby, I love you so much. Do you hear me? You are loved…

Camden Rigel Warren

SCREECH. CRASH.

“Miss! Are you okay, Miss?” Someone was shouting.

I opened my eyes to see that I was hanging by my seatbelt. A man was struggling to pry a door open.

“Grab my hand, Miss! Is there anyone else in the car with you?”

No, just me. But I’m 23 weeks pregnant. I’m going to have a baby.

“Oh no! The girl is pregnant! Call 911!”

My hand went to my belly, cradling the tiny bump that had just a few minutes before been wiggling and kicking happily as I sang to him. Now, there was only stillness…

Men pulled me out of the crumbled vehicle.

I had been hit by a semi-truck.

Someone wrapped a blanket around me as they set me on the ground.

Sirens. Ambulance. Gurney.

Emergency Room. Contractions.

“Ma’am, if we have to take this baby, the good news is that you are far enough along in the pregnancy that he will have a 1% chance of survival.”

Please, God. Please let my little boy be okay. Baby, can you hear me? I love you…

Copy of 22

“Your baby’s heart rate is disappearing with each contraction. We need to get him out now. Push, Ginger! Push!”

The labor contractions had come hard and fast. My little boy had held on all of those months, and it was now four days past our due date. We had only been in the hospital for a little over an hour, and it was time. But he was facing the wrong direction, and he was stuck. My baby was in danger once more.

I pushed while the doctors pulled one more time. It was finally over. His cry was the most beautiful sound that I had ever heard.

They laid my precious bundle next to my heart. I was finally a mommy.

My Camden! I have waited so long to meet you, Little One. I love you so much…

camden mommy wedding1

The music swelled as he excitedly bounced up and down. His little brothers had already taken their turns, and our new little family was waiting for us just beyond the door. My little man, my Camden, was going to walk me down the aisle and give me away to my Beloved.

He looked up at me as I swept his black hair to the side once more.

Camden, I love you.

“I love you, too, Mommy! Are you ready?” He slipped his little hand into mine.

I’m ready, Honey.

camden pic monkey

Camden,

A tidal wave of emotion is flowing through me as I think about you turning 10 years old. You are growing into a kind and generous young man. I love that you are becoming such a gentleman, always looking for ways to help others. You have the special ability to make people smile, and you are a wonderful friend to those around you. You may be growing up, but you will always be my baby. I am proud of the boy that you are, and of the man that you are becoming. I am truly the luckiest mommy in the whole wide world, and I am so thankful that you were given to me.

No matter where your life’s journey takes you, please remember something for me…

You are ENOUGH. And you are LOVED. Always and forever.

“…You’ll never know, Dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

Happy 10th Birthday!

Love,

Mom

*Photos 3 and 5 are courtesy of NZ Portraits by Joanne. Photo 4 is courtesy of our wonderful friend Cindy.

* Linking up to Holley Gerth’s Coffee for Your Heart.

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Written by ginger


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21 Comments
  • Becky says:

    I think this is my favorite of all your posts. What an amazing story Camden has.

    • ginger says:

      Thank you so much, Becky. This may be my favorite one that I have written – it is so very close to my heart! Your comment and encouragement means so much to me!

  • Natasha says:

    What a wonderful post Ginger! Happy Birthday to your wonderful little prince!!! May you and all your loved ones have a wonderful, happy and blessed New Year!!! I am visiting from Coffee for your heart. I am so glad and so blessed to have stopped by and found your blog!!! Blessings, Natasha

    • ginger says:

      Thank you so very much, Natasha! I am so happy that you stopped by today – and your encouraging comments made my day! 🙂 Hoping you have a fabulous and blessed New Year as well! *hugs*

  • Mark Allman says:

    An awesome story and tribute about and to your son!

  • Julie says:

    GOOD GOSH I cried like a baby!!!! *beautiful*

    • ginger says:

      Oh Julie, thank you so much for your comment! I was sobbing as I was writing it – and when I read it to Camden. Bringing all of those memories back, and the swelling love in my heart – it was a recipe for relieved and happy tears!

  • Misty Maki says:

    Beautiful post. I bet your little guy likes you to repeat these stories to him.
    I am journeying through your chapters of your beloved. Your letter to the other woman broke my heart. I had to walk a long line to realize that forgiveness was a gift to myself. I think it’s huge that you recognized that and that you prayed for her. Thank you for being so honest and willing to share your deepest hurt and the redemption. **hugs to you too*

    • ginger says:

      Hiya Misty! My little guys do like hearing those stories, but I had never put them altogether for Camden until now. We both teared up and hugged tightly after I read it to him. Such a wonderful memory!
      Thank you so very much for your encouraging comments – Sharing our story has been healing, and it has been my prayer that others would be touched and encouraged through it. You are SO right – forgiveness is a gift to myself, even though the hurt is so great. I am incredibly happy to have connected with you through these posts – and I am truly touched by your sweet words. Thank you!

  • What an amazing birth story, and such a nice tribute to the fine young man your baby is growing up to be. Happy birthday, Camden!

    • ginger says:

      Thank you so much, Sarah! I am so proud of my little men. 🙂 This was the first time that I had ever written out one of their birth stories – this was a wonderful way to bring back all of those memories!

  • […] little gentleman-in-training, Camden, turned 10 years old this month. I wrote about how we almost lost him a couple of times before he was even born, and how I loved him from the very beginning. Above all I want all of our boys to know that they […]

  • […] You Are Enough ~ And You Are Loved […]

  • Traci Ahlstrom says:

    Ginger I finally got around to reading your story . . . and it’s not over yet! I’ve enjoyed them all. I’m so glad our boys met this year. Who knows if their friendship is for a lifetime, or a season. I’ve been praying for Isaac to find a good, Christian friend. I hope you and I can have tea and chat sometime too! I think you and your family are so lovely, and are well deserved of all the joy and happiness life can offer. I too like to write, and write much better than I can speak. Funny, when we first came over, I noticed the books on your coffee table and I have all the same ones! I wanted to say something then, but did want to scare you off hahaha. A quiet, inner peace and strength radiates from you, and now I know why. God Bless!

    • ginger says:

      Thank you SO much, Traci! I am so thrilled that our paths crossed this year! Thank you so much for including Camden – he is talking non-stop about the Boy Scout outing! I love to chat about books, so we really need to sit and have a cup of tea together soon. 🙂

  • Heidi says:

    What a touching story! Thank you for sharing how special your son is.
    #ThrowbackThursdaylinkup

    http://heidi-reads.blogspot.com

  • […] mind traveled back to standing there the day we brought Camden home from the hospital. I was exhausted, nervous, on top of the world, full of love, and unable to take my eyes off my […]

  • […] already met our other boys – Camden and Aiden, but today I wanted to introduce you to the littlest member of our family – Quinn. […]

  • Medicare of TX

    You are enough ~ And you are loved

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I’m Ginger ~

I'm a wife to my Beloved, mom of three boys, bookworm, survivor of a broken heart, and Kansas Girl. It is my desire to encourage you. No matter what storm you're going through right now, you are not alone. I promise.

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