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In Her Shoes ~ Forgiveness

In Her Shoes is a series written by readers to give us a glimpse into their lives – what it is like to walk in their shoes. I am honored to share with you a guest post written by my friend, Becky Ogg. Her journey toward finding forgiveness has taken her down many roads and back again, and I am so grateful that she is willing to tell us about her story. Let’s join our friend as she shares with us what it is like to be in her shoes. ~ G

beckyshoes

Whore. Slut. Adulteress.

Ugly words, aren’t they? And as much as I wanted to hide the truth from myself, there I was: a woman who had cheated on her husband, a woman who had willingly left everyone and everything, husband and children and grandchildren, church and home, desperately searching for all that was missing in my heart, in my life. How had I become one of those “…silly women, laden with sin, led away with divers lusts, ever learning and (yet) never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:6-7)?

 Ray and Becky Wedding 2

In retrospect the answer is pretty easy: I wanted to be wanted. The desire to be adored, to be sought out and pursued, to be the object of someone’s passion, overcame everything else. Oh, there were certainly things in my life that increased my vulnerability to sin. Insecurity? Check. Unhappy marriage? Check. Family issues? Check. Financial troubles? Check. But try as I might to justify my actions, sin is sin, and the responsibility for my choices sets squarely on my shoulders. I was a Christian and truly did love God. The sad truth is that I loved myself more, and after 20 years of marriage, four children, and two grandchildren, I walked out the door to begin a new life as far removed from the old one as I could manage.

It took seven years. Seven years during which my ex-husband and I both married other people and moved on; seven years during which God quietly worked away in our hearts and spirits, planting tiny seeds of hope and love, renewal, grace, and forgiveness, nurturing them and bringing them to fruition. Seven years until God decided it was time to reopen the doors of communication between my ex-husband and myself, using our youngest child being injured in combat as the conduit. Five months later we were remarried.

It’s been nine years now and God is still working in our lives, mending the hurts of the past and binding our hearts closer together and nearer to His with each day. It isn’t always easy, but our marriage is worth it. We joke that we’re going to leave this earthly life at the same time; however, the truth is that I hope we do. Just as I once couldn’t imagine spending another day with him, now the thought that I might have to go through life without him by my side is one that brings me to tears. Only God could take something that once was so ugly and broken and turn it into something beautiful and strong and worth walking through the flames for.

DSC_0176

Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; all things are become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Whore. Child of God.

Slut. Redeemed.

Adulteress. Forgiven.

Thank you so much, Becky, for sharing your story with us. Your journey from heartbreak to redemption is truly inspiring, and I pray that it will ignite the spark of hope in the hearts of our friends reading it today. 

To read more stories, or if you would are interested in sharing your story, please go to the In Her Shoes tab near the top of the page. I love learning about the people in this series. Connecting with others seems to make the world feel not quite as big and scary. We’re all in this together. I can’t wait to hear from you, to read your stories, and learn more of what it is like to walk in your shoes. ~ Love, G 

 

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Written by ginger


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16 Comments
  • Mark Allman says:

    Redeemed and restored. Awesome!

    • ginger says:

      You’re right, Mark, it is awesome! I am so happy that Becky was willing to share her story today! I’ll make sure that she sees your kind comment. 🙂

  • Brenda says:

    Beautiful story of God’s sovereignty. I love how He works through the pain and mess of sin to bring about a marriage stronger and more secure and beautiful than one could dream. Thanks for your vulnerability.

    • ginger says:

      Isn’t it a beautiful story? I love how HE works through our messes, sees the big picture, and can rework a love story more beautiful than any author or matchmaker! 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    I’ve been there… In the mess of infidelity (my spouse’s infidelity). We walked through that fire… But God used that pain, that sin, that shame to bring my husband and I to the place of repentance and unconditional forgiveness. Today, we are more than husband and wife. We are best friends. Our marriage is better than I would have ever even imagined. Beauty from ashes. The ashes are still there, but the beauty shines brighter.

    • ginger says:

      I wish that I could give you a great big hug. Thank you for sharing! I am incredibly happy that God used your pain to bring you through that fire, hand-in-hand, and stronger than ever. “Beauty from ashes. The ashes are still there, but the beauty shines brighter.” ~ So beautiful! Thank you, friend. *hug*

  • Barb says:

    Becky such a well written piece. I read it with some teary eyes.
    God is great and god is good.

    • ginger says:

      Barb, her story made me teary as well! Thank you so much for your kind comment – He sure is good. I’ll make sure that Becky sees it! Thank you so much for stopping by today!

  • Becky says:

    Thank you all so much. It was a little hard to share our story, mostly because I still deal with so many judgemental people who cannot or will not let the past stay in the past. It’s been reassuring to see the kind responses.

  • Barbie says:

    I loved reading your story. I am right now in the hot mess and immense pain of finding out my husband cheated on me. I found out, almost a month ago now. I feel like I am in a fog. I have a few questions. Maybe one, but as my mind spins, it may spin into many. 🙂 Please know I am not meaning to sound judgemental, I am only trying to understand. So, know I am coming from a good place, and a place of “unaware” for lack of a better word.

    In the bible is says that adultery is a sin, a man who marries a woman who is divorced is a sinner, and to remarry your ex-spouse who has remarried another man, is also a sin. (In a nutshell, obviously not exact.) I married when I was just 18. Thinking marriage would fix so many things, I jumped in and we divorced just over a year later. I am not with my 2nd husband, almost 15 yrs. We have 4 beautiful children. I know he is the man that belonged to me…..even though he is also the man who has now broken my heart more than I ever knew was possible.

    How do you feel you are forgiven on this? Do you feel that, yes it is a sin, but you asked for forgiveness, so now it is ok? Does it not continue to be a sin? I worry about this, now as I have been working to grow closer to God and to live a Godly life. I wonder if maybe my husband’s actions are a result of us being “sinners”. I am just so confused and so trying to figure things out. I know I am supposed to forgive him. He says he is sorry, says he was being selfish and is willing to do anything to fix this, but I truly struggle. I can still see the good in him, feel the love I have for him, and can’t imagine my life without him, BUT I almost feel like he is getting away with it like always because I am walking around as normal as possible, for the sake of our kids. Like I said, I just feel like I am in a fog and trying to not let the bitterness overtake me.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am trying to read as many blogs as possible to see that there is hope, and to know that others have survived this to only become stronger in the end.

    God bless!

  • The One Who Walked Through It Too... says:

    Oh, Barbie! I hurt with you. It’s been a little over five years now for me. It still hurts, but it’s not as fresh. It’s been long enough to see the beauty God can bring in the brokenness.

    Forgiving someone is not letting them get away with it. It is setting yourself free from the poison of the anger and resentment. That’s all it is. I forgave my husband. Our marriage is incredible now. I wouldn’t go back to how it was before, but my husband did not just “get away” with it. He had to prove that he truly was repentant and wanted to change. He’s worked hard at that…. very hard. He’s had to earn my trust back (and he’s not done yet).

    I would highly recommend reading ” Experiencing Christ Together” by Neil Anderson, especially the chapters on adultery, forgiveness, and trust.

    The biggest thing I learned through that HORRID time was that God is sovereign. There is nothing that He cannot or will not control. He is sovereign over the good, the bad, and the ugly. He is busy working His story, and sometimes, He works it through sin. Yes, I do believe He is sovereign even in sin. If He weren’t what kind of God would He be… He wouldn’t be God at all… He’s be a helpless parent unable to control His own children.

    God was sovereign in your divorce. God was sovereign in your husband’s unfaithfulness, and God will remain sovereign in the healing in your life. We can’t always understand how He is weaving His story, but we do know that He works it for good and for His glory. He will come out on top in this.

    I will admit that I am very unsure where I stand on divorce and remarriage. Is it a sin? I don’t really know that it is. Personally, I think it’s just a matter of how God chooses to write the story of our lives. I don’t think there is ever anything we can do to mess up His story. He never sighs and says, “Oh Barbie! Why’d you have to go and do that? You messed up my perfect plan. Ah, gee… now I gotta figure something else out.”

    If you’d like to know more of my story, you can find it here:
    http://justoneoftheboys.com/2013/10/07/in-her-shoes-it-takes-two-to-heal/
    Or if you’d like, you can email me: smilin.bren at hot mail dotcom

  • […] dedication, and lived transparently while they fought to earn back trust and save their marriages. They are such inspirations to me, and it was my prayer that we could have joined them. I also want you to know that it is possible […]

  • […] Part of it is written by me, but I also had the help of my wonderful military wife friends – Becky, Audrey, Katie, Jenna, Sadie, Kallie, and Kim.  I hope that you’ll join us as we share what […]

  • Tamra says:

    Tears. This gives me so much hope…not false hope for something with my ex-husband (who betrayed and left)… but just for the amazing redemption of our Lord. Thank you for bravely sharing your story!

    • ginger says:

      Tamra – You are so right – It’s not too late for a miracle, and our friend who shared this story is proof of that! *Hugs, dear friend*

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I’m Ginger ~

I'm a wife to my Beloved, mom of three boys, bookworm, survivor of a broken heart, and Kansas Girl. It is my desire to encourage you. No matter what storm you're going through right now, you are not alone. I promise.

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