Co-Parenting After Divorce…

Co-Parenting After Divorce

 

*Click*

I ended the call.

As I did my best to take a deep breath, I blinked back angry tears, and quickly ducked back into the room where I was meeting with my friends. “I have to go. Now.” I grabbed my purse and rushed out the door to meet my boys and their dad without even saying goodbye.

I had a death grip on the steering wheel as I attempted to find my way through the tears that I could no longer hold inside. I knew that I had only a couple of minutes to vent my frustration before I had to pull myself together, and so I turned and yelled out to the only One that could hear me.

 

Why, God? Why?! Why does he do this to me? I hate him!

 

Love your enemies.

 

But, God…How can I love him when he’s using the boys to hurt me? He doesn’t even deserve them! He doesn’t deserve their love!

 

Bless them that curse you.

 

But it isn’t fair! Don’t you remember what he did to me? To our family? I want him to hurt in all of the ways that he has hurt me!

 

Do good to them that hate you.

 

But…Why?

 

And pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

 

But…but…

 

 

Over the years, I’ve realized that some things do get a bit easier when you’ve had a little distance from the demise of your marriage. Divorce is a devastating hurricane of emotions – you feel tossed and thrown into a swirling cycle of fear, bitterness, uncertainty, broken vows, shame, and facing the person that you once thought was your soul mate – only to find a stranger glaring back at you. While the storm of separation was gradually releasing its grip on my life, it was up to me to develop our new family routine, to create our new normal. I had to decide how I would live out my relationship with their dad in front of my boys. And it is a relationship, like it or not. There have been ambulance rides, broken bones, discipline issues, church activities, and drop offs where we our paths have crossed. I can only imagine how our lives will continue to intertwine as the boys grow up – holidays, birthdays, middle school band concerts, sporting events, graduations, weddings, grandchildren…

I have found over time that the bond that I forged on my wedding day – Was it really over 11 years ago? – did not evaporate with the end of our marriage. We are still a family. My ex husband, myself, and my Beloved. We are in this together to raise three amazing little men-in-training. Our innocent little boys do not know the nature of why their parents are no longer married – and I gently refuse to go into the details of it with them at their young ages. “Honey, there are some things that you’re just too young to understand right now. Let me carry this for you, and someday when you’re older – if you really want to know – we’ll talk about it then.”

I calmed myself and wiped my tear-stained face before I got out of the van to face the little ones whom I love so much and their father.

 

Love your enemies.

 

Hey, guys!

 

Bless them that curse you.

 

Did you boys have a fun night with Daddy? You did? I’m so glad!

 

Do good to them that hate you.

 

Go give Daddy a hug and tell him goodnight.

 

And pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

 

*Amen*

 

The photo above is courtesy of my amazing friend Joanne Funk.

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*hugs*

 

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Written by ginger


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14 Comments
  • Becky Ogg says:

    Ginger, you’ve got an amazing knack for drawing someone in, helping them to feel what you were experiencing. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.

  • Jaime hurst says:

    Wow…this is exactly what I needed to read! I am going through a custody battle with a man who has set out to destroy the relationship I have with my kids…and the reason they love him so much is I have always spoken highly of him to them…and now it is backfiring! Thank you for posting this!

    • ginger says:

      Jamie – first let me give you a *hug* and tell you that I wish we could chat over a cup of tea while our little ones played together. I am so sorry that you are going through this – it’s so unfair. But I’m learning that life just isn’t fair – and we need to be that good example to our kids. It is SO hard – but I encourage you to keep up the good words about your ex. I, too, have been through a custody battle. It is the hardest thing to bite your tongue with your little ones, but nothing good can come from tearing their dad down. It’s one of life’s unfair moments…but I believe that it will pay immensely down the road. Thank you so much for coming to take a peek at my little world – I hope you’ll come back. Feel free to friend me on FB or shoot me an email if you ever need to chat with a kindred spirit 🙂 *hugs again*

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  • Bethany says:

    Thank you for sharing! It is true what a struggle this is, I’m on a little bit of a different side(married to a man with an ex-wife with children) but have the same struggles to love when part of you wants to be angry but you know in your heart that you need to show love.

    • ginger says:

      Bethany, Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I can only imagine the journey that you must be on, too. My heart is with you as you blend families and show love even when it’s difficult!

  • Nikki says:

    Ginger-

    I just found that website, but, I just wanted to give you a hug and commiserate with you- your story sounds so much like mine.

    It’s not easy, but those boys we are raising are completely worth it in the end, and… that’s enough for me.

    • ginger says:

      Nikki, I want to send you a giant hug right now. You’re so right – it really is worth it for those little boys we have been given!

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I’m Ginger ~
I'm a wife to my Beloved, mom of three boys, bookworm, survivor of a broken heart, and Kansas Girl. It is my desire to encourage you. No matter what storm you're going through right now, you are not alone. I promise.
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