Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two

A Letter to the Other Woman ~ Finding forgiveness and healing after infidelity

 

I saw you at the mall a few days ago, and as we walked past each other – only inches apart – I wondered if you even recognized me? Did you notice my little boys? Did you realize that it was my marriage, my family, that you helped to destroy?

 

The thought of you has kept me awake night after night since I discovered that you really do exist, and I have struggled over what I would say to you if I ever had the chance. But basically it boils down to one small phrase: I forgive you.

 

There, I said it. Forgiveness is not a gift that I give to you, but a gift that I give to myself. I am releasing all of the heartache, loss, and pain that you have caused. As tears stream down my face, I am choosing to forgive you for all that you have done to me and my family. My whole world came crashing down that day in November, and it hasn’t been the same since. Everything that I thought to be true in my marriage was shown to be a lie. Life will never again be the same for me and my precious little ones, but somehow I know that my faith in my Heavenly Father will get us through this nightmare. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I know that He saw this coming, and even though I don’t know why He allowed it to happen, I know that He will continue to care for me and my boys. He will be faithful to heal the wounds that you and my husband inflicted on us, and He will help me on this path of forgiveness and healing that I have chosen. He has forgiven me of so much, so I know that He will help me to continue to find love and forgiveness toward you both.

 

As hard as it is, I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I pray that you will never have to feel the kind of hurt that I am going through right now. I would never wish this intense pain, this broken and bleeding heart, on anyone…not even you.

 

Sincerely,

Ginger

~February 2009~

 

~ Our Story ~

There’s No Place Like Home ~ Chapter One

Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two

The Nightmare ~ Chapter Three

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan ~ Chapter Four

With this Ring…Saying Goodbye ~ Chapter Five

A Letter to a Graduate ~ Chapter Six

Over the Miles and Years ~ Chapter Seven

Someone Like Him ~ Chapter Eight

In the Quiet ~ Chapter Nine

A Different Kind of Anniversary ~ Chapter Ten

Healing a Little More Each Day ~ Chapter Eleven

My New Friend ~ Chapter Twelve

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*hugs*

 

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37 Comments
  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • […] my little blog this month ~ The most viewed post was Chapter Two of Our Story ~ A Letter to the Other Woman. I can’t wait to share Chapter Six of Our Story with y’all very soon! I also wrote […]

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • your favorite cousin says:

    Loved reading this one. You have no idea how close to home this one comes for me. Thanks,so inspiring to read this..

    • ginger says:

      *Big hugs to you* Thank you so much for letting me know that it was inspiring – that was my hope, that it would in some small way help even just one person. I love you, Cuz. I’m always here if you need anything…

    • Amanda says:

      This is so real & raw for me…but instead of one, there have been multiples. Some days I wish he hadnt confessed to who they were. I see them in our small community and it wrenches my heart. I don’t feel I am to the forgiveness stage yet, especially to the one who chooses to attack me and claim she had no responsibility for our divorce. The truth is that each of them did play a part in the divorce. I have known about them for 2 months now and the pain is less every day as I allow God to hold my heart.

      • ginger says:

        Oh Amanda – my heart is going out to you right now. I have definitely been there, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I am so sorry for the hurt that you are going through. I all too well understand the extra pain that this woman is causing you right now. Please keep letting the Lord hold your heart. He will help you help – and help you to forgive. Forgiveness and letting go is so painful, but I promise that there is even more healing and relief on the other side. *hugs*

  • Oh sister, I know all too well your heartache. I too wrote a letter to the other woman. I had no way of knowing what she looked like, I could have been standing next to her in the grocery store and would have no idea….and that drove me crazy!
    I wrote the letter (my best friend and I called the “God copy”, it was actually the 2nd letter since the 1st was not very nice) telling her that she would never find the love and acceptance she was looking for in any man here on earth, especially a married man, that she would only find it in Jesus. I also begged her to leave our family alone and allow my husband and I to reconcile and our family to heal.
    She didn’t and he didn’t and I was so heartbroken I thought I might die…
    And then the “God letter” became a horrible testimony of grace, when I had no grace to offer. I said some really ugly hurtful things, wanting her to feel the pain that I felt.
    God had a plan for me too. He healed my broken heart, and restored what the enemy tried to steal by helping me to find love again. I’ve been remarried for almost 7 years. I have a heart for others who are broken and lost and in desperate need of a Savior.
    Thanks for sharing your “letter” and your heart.
    You are a blessing!

    • ginger says:

      Oh Lynette…Your note has been on my heart since I read it. I didn’t know the other woman in my life personally, but I always wondered when we would bump into each other in our little city. I don’t know if she saw me that day, but I recognized her right away. I think that having a God copy and a second version is a brilliant thing to do. I didn’t write a God copy, but my therapist did have me stare at an empty chair and imagine that she was sitting there. My wonderful, Christian counselor told me to let loose and not hold back. She said to use whatever language I wanted and let out the pain. She had me do that same exercise imagining my ex, too. It was very helpful to get out the raging torrent in such a safe and loving environment.

      I am SO happy to hear about how you have healed since then. He really is the best heart-mender, isn’t He? 🙂 I would love to hear more of your story! Thank you so much for taking the time to visit and for your encouraging words – they mean the world to me! *hugs, friend*

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • Heather says:

    After my husband’s affair, I have desperately struggled with the other woman. The affair was made very public. In essence, my husband admitted it and she tried to deny it. I have had to see her several times within the past year and I see no remorse from her. I pray that I can get to the point that you did as far as the forgiveness goes. It’s only hurting me, not her.

    • ginger says:

      Heather, my heart is breaking for your story… I wish that were words that I could say that would take away your pain. Forgiveness is a decision, but it’s also a daily lifestyle decision. You’ll be in my thoughts, friend. *big hugs*

  • Wow, Ginger, you are so incredibly strong to forgive the other woman for destroying the life you and your boys knew. I am sorry for the pain your family had to go through. I am glad you found it in your heart to forgive her more for your sake to life the weight of that burden off your shoulders. You deserve better. You are an incredible writer.

    Thanks for sharing with #throwbacthursdaylinkup, my friend.

  • […]  Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • chrissy says:

    Dear women who have been cheated on. If you’re angry at or blaming the other woman congratulations…your husband really did a great job of playing you. He cheated, he made the vow, not her!

    • ginger says:

      Hi Chrissy… Thank you for stopping by. Your comment made me think long and hard about what I had written, and I am looking forward to sharing more of the background of our story very soon.

    • Miss G says:

      I agree with Chrissy. I had been the “other woman” without knowing it. His excuse was always our conflicting work hours, the fact that I lived closer to his workplace, and that we just did not have time to see each other at other times because his “crazy ex” was so possessive and spiteful. Then, about a year after we started “seeing each other,” he gives me a frantic call, “I’m sorry, I lied about the divorce, my wife found out.” He still told me he loved me and that he wanted to be with me… I was young and naive, so I waited. The divorce was finalized, his kids grew up… I just waited for him to fulfill his promises to me (which, by the way, have not been fulfilled, and I just gave up waiting for). It was always, “You understand me, you know me; my ex-wife didn’t”. I had nothing to do with his divorce, I found out about his wife AFTER she found out about me.

      Of course, I do not mean to sound like a feminist, but a male-dominated society, we are always taught to blame women. When will the man take responsibility? If the “other woman” knew about the man being married, they can share the blame… but if an innocent woman had no idea but happened to fall in love with a deceitful man, who deceived her just as much as his wife, then is she to blame for trusting him?

  • […] and infidelity in my first marriage, and how I battled the storm that followed. I shared my Letter to the Other Woman, how I tried to restore my marriage, and when I knew that it was time to let go. I have also […]

  • CW says:

    How did she destroy your family? Did she come into your home, drug your husband, and force him to cheat on him with her? I imagine there are two guilty parties, one of whom made a vow to you (and this woman made no such vow), but the focus remains on one because it’s easier than fully confronting the whole truth.

    • ginger says:

      Thank you for visiting my little corner of the world. I gave quite a bit of thought to your questions. Thank you for prompting me to dig deeper and write another blog post where I will hopefully clear up a few things and help even more families who are hurting.

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • Roselle says:

    this is like reading my story. It has been 7 years but still I am not yet healed. And whenever it’s nearing November (the month I discovered his affair), I kinda go into a state of depression. Pls allow me to share this on my website with proper credits and link back to your website.

    • ginger says:

      Oh Roselle – your note made me want to give you a great big hug. Of course you may share the link on your website, if link back to my original post! I can’t wait to go check out your blog. 🙂 Hang in there, friend. This is a difficult month for so many of us! *hug*

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

  • […] Letter to the Other Woman ~ Chapter Two […]

    • laura says:

      Where can i get your book… every single word i read it was like someone was telling my story…. i feel so ungry and hurt i dont know what to do. .. he refuses to leave but i know he is still having an affair. I want to forgive but i cant forget.. i saw videos of them having sex… pictures of her private parts. .. i cant get them out of my head… i feel so depressed i just need someone to wake me up from this nightmare.

  • staci says:

    Yea, I’m not there yet. I keep praying for strength. I was “over” my break up. Now, this “other woman” has moved on from my Ex and broken another family apart. Difficult to watch someone with such callous disregard for feelings, families, and morals just march through life causing so much pain.

  • Andy says:

    Hello, its wonderful to read this letter and its admirable how you trust the Lord 🙂 when i know this kind of stuff my faith increase, when i know that God is there when no one is that makes me so happy, it makes me feel safe . You must go through a rough time, and i just wanna know how are you? Did your marriage survived? 🙂

  • Cheryl says:

    Chrissy and CW have good points. However, it is so much easier to blame the other woman because we tend to overlook the faults of those we love. My ex turned his back and left our family for our Pastor’s wife, who has the same name as myself, 17 years ago and also in November. We had been married 20 years. In truth, though, he had cheated on me for years. I am not perfect and acknowledge my part in why our marriage did not survive. That responsibility does not rest solely on them, but they did not have the right to choose as they did. Both of our families and the people of our church will suffer the consequences of their choice back then for generations to come, just as King David’s did all those years ago. God has protected me from further betrayal by my ex and He has allowed me to see glimpses of His hand on my life. He soothed my sadness with the precious blessing pf several grandchildren. My painful experience of divorce has given me a better understanding why God hates it. He has also helped me understand that each of us are works in progress and to have compassion as none of us are above reproach. My prayer for my ex and his present wife is that they will heed God’s voice and allow Him to soften their hearts. In the meantime may we all glorify God as we run the race that is before us.

  • Katie says:

    Ginger- I am going through so much of this right now. I can relate almost word for word. I wish I knew who she was so I could know she isn’t the women standing next to me in line, so I could write her a letter. I have actually been considering writing a blog on broken families coming from one I tried so hard to not have my boys in that situation. As I read some of the comments I do know she didn’t take vows to me, but she did know he was married and had children, she did know she was helping to wreck a home, she did know she was taking time from his children. Trust me my husband is responsible for the end of our marriage but she played a big role in it. November 1 was the big day when I finally proved I wasn’t crazy the affair was real. I thought it would get easier but I am still on an emotional rollercoaster. 21 years of my life almost half my life spend with this man end and I am confused, hurt, angry and sad. I know I made a ton of mistakes in our relationship and was far from perfect but I never brought someone else into our bed.

  • Renee says:

    My comment will cause a shock. I was the other woman. I think what is irritating about your perspective is that you don’t realize ones husband who cheats is a master manipulator. I was told the marriage had been over for years. I was told that I was his true love. I was told lie after lie and yet I believed them all. While I was the other woman, I was led to believe divorce had been filed. The fighting had begun over money. Do you wives realize what your husbands say to us? If you did you would never take them back. Men who cheat are masters at their game. They fool two women. I’m smart, masters degree, and a teacher. I fell hook line and sinker into his false truths. Yes, there are some who feel no remorse. I do and yet I don’t. It is furious when a woman forgives her husband. If she only knew what lies and tails he wove. I love the move The Other Woman because it sums it up best. The women need to unite.

  • Tiffany says:

    Thank you for writing this! I am going through this right now. Finding the words to say and where to begin has been hard. My life with my kids has really just begun.

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I’m Ginger ~

I'm a wife to my Beloved, mom of three boys, bookworm, survivor of a broken heart, and Kansas Girl. It is my desire to encourage you. No matter what storm you're going through right now, you are not alone. I promise.

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